Today I went to a free session put on by our tri club and led by a sports psychologist. He gave lots of good advice on relaxation, imagry and positive self talk…all the things I’m way too stressed out to even attempt. I usually wind up giggling during yoga (when I’m in better spirits) so I don’t think my brain is capable of relaxing in that way.
He did say that injured athletes feel a sense of grief, similar to losing a loved one. I think he is right. It explains a lot about me over the past few weeks. I hate to see my IM dreams crumbling before me. I planned my entire life around the IM. Every single day since 11/1/08 has revolved around IMFL. I’ve been 100% dedicated to this goal. I’ve sacrificed a lot, I’ve spent a lot. Not to mention that the intense training was my way of coping with a really stressful year. Now, I’m grieving twice.
Why so negative? I’ve been through this nightmare before. I’m scared some distracted doctor will not pay close enough attention to my MRI this week and then I’ll be stuck with out a plan, with out any hope and with no idea what is wrong. Or worse, I’ll get the wrong diagnosis and instead of getting better, I’ll be plummeted into a more painful condition.
This is the worst week of the year.
Possible Issues I know of right now:
myostis ossificans (bone growing in my muscle- gross! I hope this didn’t happen)
stress fracture of the femur (not likely…which means I probably have it and it will go undiagnosed and get worse)
bone hematoma (likely…but why would that keep me from running?)
scar tissue (confirmed- but shouldn’t keep me from running!)
fatty necrosis (confirmed- but it shouldn’t be keeping me from running)
grade 3 quad tear (would explain the ugly dent and my inability to run…but why was I OK to do the sprint tri a week after I tore it?)
tendonitis calcification (gross!)
Treatments: I have no idea how to treat any of these things! Everyone says something different.
Why do I have to wait until tomorrow night to get the MRI?!